Where's my Clone?

Kate and I both had a rough day today.  Hers is considered a typical day- nothing out of the norm for a preemie baby.  Her sodium is slowly on the rise with the sodium chloride she is receiving and the hydrocortisone.  Her stool is back to normal (have to celebrate normal poop:) She was started back on 2 calorie fortifier. She needed a second blood transfusion today.  She had to have 2 new IVs put in- one in each wrist.  One for fluids because they were stopping her feeding and one for the blood.  She is doing great with her breathing. The peep on her ventilator settings were lowered from an 8 to a 7 (that's the pressure to keep her lungs open.) 

(An IV in each wrist)

   
My day was an emotional day- not really because of anything to do with Kate's health, but more so because of the overwhelming exhaustion of all this.  I am having a hard time finding a balance of where I need to be!  I feel so torn, between home and the NICU.  My heart wants to be in both places at the same time.  Where is my clone when I really need one? If ever I needed one, it would be NOW.  (Maybe two- I could use an extra one just to do the pumping:)
I was a faucet of tears most of the day- didn't take much to set off the Niagara Falls either.  All it took was for one of the parent support ladies at the NICU to ask me if I was ok and give me a hug.   It took about 15 minutes for me to get a grip on the tears-she probably regrets asking me that now.  No really, that's what she is there for.  She's been through the NICU experience too and knows how it goes.  I think all the workers in the NICU have a big invisible heart they wear on their sleeve.  They know how to comfort and lighten our load.  They are used to all of the crying moms. 

When I arrived to see Kate, the nurse said she had been very mad earlier and had a hard time settling down.  I don't hardly blame her though- she was hungry because they stopped her feeding while giving her blood.  Giving her both could wear her out as her body tried to process them.  She also had the 2 IVs that I'm sure were uncomfortable and bothered her.  She was given Versed to calm her.  She had such a sad, little cry tonight and when I first held her she was fighting it and wouldn't settle down.  After about 5 minutes she slowly calmed and her vitals signs became stable.  I put my lips on her tiny head and held them there to give her a kiss- I felt her calm as she felt my touch.  I needed that - I needed to know that I could calm her and make her day just a little bit better.  She also was able to receive her feeding at that time.  So with a full tummy and a little mommy time- she seemed to settle right back down in her incubator, ready to call it a day!  I'm sure tomorrow will be better for both of us.