October 30th

 

October 30th

 

 We can finally see most of her face!

 

I want to say this might've have been one of the best days of my life.  Although, I know there are many more to come that will probably be even better.  Today I went up to feed Kate for the 4pm care.  She showed great hunger cues and the OT came to help me feed her a bottle.  Kate was almost- I'd like to say superhuman- she had absolutely NO problems whatsoever eating a full feeding.  In fact, she ate 40 mils. and her required feeding is 36 mil.  She was able to suck, swallow, breathe, and pace herself perfectly.  The OT was pretty much jumping up and down in her seat she was so excited that Kate was doing that great!  She basically told me 25 week babies just don't do this.  She said she ate better than a baby that is born at 35 weeks (that's what Kate is now).  She thinks I can probably get Kate home anywhere from 2-4 weeks if all goes well- by Thanksgiving almost for sure.  Kate also was moved off the Hi-Flow this morning to a regular nasal cannula.  She has done great on it.  That's part of the other reason it was such a good day, because I was able to spend almost 3 hrs. with her and her alarms hardly went off.  It was so quiet, peaceful, and relaxed!  I'm such a proud momma- I love this little girl!!  She's such a sweetheart!     

Feeding Time!!

Feeding Time!!

 

 

Yesterday Kate was turned down to a 1.5 on her oxygen flow:)  Kate was pulling her feeding tube out of her throat, so the nurse repositioned a smaller tube into her nose so that she would be ready to start feeding. The occupational therapist, Annie,  wanted to give Kate a try to see if she might be ready to start taking a bottle.  For one of her afternoon feedings she was given 36 mils. in a bottle.  She ate 20 mils.  That's almost and ounce and over half of her very first feeding!  She did so good.  3 mils. of banana was added into the milk to thicken it to help Kate pace herself.  She is great at sucking and swallowing, but has a hard time slowing down and taking time to breathe.  During the night she had a harder time on the 1.5 oxygen flow and was turned back to a 2.  This morning she was turned back down to a 1.5 and had a really good day on that amount.  I went up to the 1 pm care hoping Kate would show cues that she was hungry so I could practice giving her a bottle.  I arrived about 15 min. early and she was starting to squirm and was going to town on her Binky.  After a few minutes she started to cry just a bit- she seemed hungry to me!  An OT, Deanna, came to teach me how to feed Kate.  It's very different than feeding a full-term baby, and it's even changed from the way I learned to feed Kam 8 yrs. ago.  Kate is supposed to lay on her side to mimic the position that she would be in if she were breastfeeding.  One of my hands goes behind her head to hold it and my arm goes along her back so I can feel her breathing patterns.  I'm only supposed to tilt the bottle slightly up so that only 1/2 the nipple fills with milk.  If Kate doesn't open her mouth to take the bottle then she gets fed by gavage (through the NG tube in her nose).  Nothing about the feeding can be forced.   They want it to be a good experience for the baby- not to wear them out or traumatize them.  If the baby hiccups, yawns, falls asleep, gets upset, desaturates on oxygen, or bradys these are all signs to stop feeding.  Any remainder of milk will be gavaged through the tube. 

 

 

The NICU just barely started to doing their feeding protocol a new way in the last month.  When Kam was in the NICU- preemie babies were fed strictly on a schedule and their bottle feedings started out slowly like 1 per day and 1 per night and then slowly increase.  Now they've switched to a cue base feeding.  If the baby shows cues (like wake up, binki suck, fussy) then they are hungry.  If it's within a half an hour of their feeding time then they can be fed a bottle.  They can show these cues at any of their feedings and the nurse will give them a bottle. So some of the feedings they may want a bottle or some they might sleep through because they are so tired. The baby then will drink from the bottle whatever it can handle and the rest will be gavaged.   Research has shown that doing a cue based feeding gets babies home 4-10 days faster:)  

 

Kate did so good on her feeding today with me.  She drank 20 of the 39 mils.  The OT was super excited that she did so well!  She said that Kate is doing amazing at eating.  I asked her how long she thought this process would be so that I knew when I might be able to take her home.  She said it definitely would not be drawn out to 8 weeks(Christmas- her supposed date they told me in the beginning).  The OT and the nurse kind of had a smirk going on between them because they know they can't tell me a "Date" of when they think she can go home- but I know by the looks on their faces it will be a lot sooner than later!  Kate slept through her 4 pm feeding, but woke up 10 min. early for her 7 pm feeding.  She ate 11 mils. that time.  She slept again through her 10 pm feeding- so for now it looks like she's eating every other time.  I'm just so happy she is showing cues and is able to suck and swallow!!  The rest will come as she gets stronger. 

 

I'm going to throw this date out to the Universe- just because I can- November 9th, out it goes.....  That is the date that Kam came home when he was a preemie.  Kam came home after 8 weeks and 5 days or 61 days in the hospital - 3 and 2 days before is due date. I threw that date out there just because the Universe seems to align dates and numbers sometimes.  Kam and Kate originally had close to the same due date- Kam:Dec. 2nd and Kate:Dec. 4th.  Kam is the 3rd boy, and Kate is the 3rd girl in my family.  Just something to think about---------!  Will Kate come home on November 9th- seems like a long shot, but who knows we just might get lucky (after all she is my "Good Luck" baby)?? ***I won't get my hopes set on it though.***

 

Today the photographer didn't come, because she had a cold and wants to make sure she doesn't spread germs.  Kate didn't make it to the nasal cannula anyways- but she should in the next couple days.  We scheduled another picture appointment for 2 weeks out. 

 

Kate is tolerating the Human Milk Fortifier great.  She was taken off the Miralax today, because she is pooping ALL the time now. 

 

 

Kate's new home- she is still in the "A" unit, but was moved to a different spot.

That pop can has nothing on her now..:) 

10 weeks old vs. 5 days old

4.4 lbs. vs. 1.8 lbs.

 

 

 

Kate always likes to kick her feet out of the blanket.



Joy in the Journey

Joy in the Journey

 

 

In the past I've heard a lot of people talk about "Joy in the Journey".  I've always tried to look for the good things- to have joy throughout life's phases.  But I've had a difficult time understanding how finding joy in the journey applies to hard times.  How is it possible to enjoy something that is so hard??....  Well, I think this is finally a lesson I've slowly learned.  I can easily relate to it with this analogy:

 

  I hate laundry!  I hate everything about it- I can never get caught up on it, it's everywhere, it haunts me daily!!  The funny thing is I LOVE, LOVE the laundry isle in the grocery store because of the smell.  One of these days I might just get a pillow out of the bedding isle and a book from the display case and park myself on the floor for hours in the laundry isle:)  Recently, I discovered Downy Un-stopables and they have become my Joy in the Journey for something I truly despise.  Although I don't enjoy doing laundry still, I do like to smell the clothes when they come out of the dryer.   I like the smell of my room with all the clean, folded clothes on my bed.   I like the smell of my laundry room.  I even like the smell outside my backdoor as the air exits my house from the dryer vent.  And I love to smell the scent on my kids when I give them a hug. I receive joy in the smell even though the laundry journey is still hard.  Laundry has just become a little more motivating to do:)  There are always small things we can enjoy to help endure the hard things.  

 

 

Last Sunday, we watched "17 Miracles" with our kids.  We try to watch a classic or an uplifting movie each Sunday, as well as play a family board game.  This was great show to teach them about our pioneer heritage.  My kids really loved counting each miracle they saw to reach the end result of the 17 miracles.  Although the trek was very hard for the pioneers, they still were able to see the Lord's hand- the miracles-the Joy in the Journey.   

 

A couple days ago a sweet friend sent me a message about one of my blog posts "Have Faith, Not Fear."  She has endured a very hard and long trial of sickness with no solid answers about what is going on or what can help her feel better.  She doesn't know how long this will go on or if it will even ever end.  I was so grateful to read her message, because it is so nice to know that although our trials are so different we can still relate and help each other out.  We can draw on each other's strengths in the gospel.  It also was a confirmation to the strong feeling I initially had when Kate was born that I needed to share Kate's story and my testimony.  It's never been easy for me to bear my testimony in public and I rarely share it.  I've always told myself "actions speak louder than words" and this is the way I've tried to share my testimony.  After Kate was born I pulled out my patriarchal blessing and re-read it.  There was a sentence that really hit me.  It talked about how I needed to share my testimony whenever I felt prompted to do so.  This came back to me repeatedly for many days until I finally got over my reluctance to share my blog.  Now I know that through words, not just actions, I am able to touch others lives.  It is important to verbally share our testimonies.  We can lift and strengthen one another by doing this.  

 

 I have thought a lot about this friend's message over the past few days- which led to my thoughts on finding Joy in the Journey.  I think one of the first things we struggle with when we go through trials is finding the faith (not fear) we need to get us through it.  I think the next step is to find the Joy in what we are going through- find the Downy (that makes it easier) and the 17 Miracles (that the Lord blesses us with).  I know that we go through trials to help us become stronger and better people.  Trials are not for us to duck our heads down and just survive- I believe there are always lessons to be learned, blessings to be recognized, things to be grateful for.  I am going to start a new post and share it at the end about the "# miracles" we have received through this journey.  We have already experienced so many!  All miracles ARE miracles no matter how big or small, the size doesn't matter.  

Kate's New Bed

We went to see Kate tonight with all the kids.  They loved seeing the changes in her and also her new bed.  On Thursday she was moved to a "big girl bed."  It's actually just a normal baby isolate that most babies are put in as newborns. When preemies hit 4 lbs. and can hold their own temperature they get to switch over.  Yep- that's right- she's 4 lbs. now!!  It's getting harder and harder to walk out of the hospital leaving her behind now that she's doing so well and looking so good!  Today, I had a twinge of jealousy when I passed a new mother getting out of the wheelchair and into the car with her baby in the infant carrier on the back seat of their car. 
 
Kate was turned down to a 2 yesterday afternoon on her flow.  She sailed for the rest of the day, but became a little tired through the night and also today.  She started having more periodic breathing again and a fast respiratory rate that followed.  So far she's ok to stay on a 2, but not doing well enough to be weaned down to a 1.  The nurse told me tonight she would probably need one more day on a 2 and then she will probably be strong enough to make the jump.  This means on Tuesday we might get to try her first bottle!  (In general, preemies go home quicker when they are on the bottle rather than breastfeeding-even though it's not recommended by lactation.)  Because I just can't get my milk supply to give me more than one ounce per pumping- I know I will never be successful at breastfeeding her and I want to get her home as quick as I can- bottle here we come!  I'm so excited for Tuesday-  it just might be a huge day for her:)  Two weeks ago I scheduled an appointment for Tuesday with a photographer that takes pictures of NICU babies for free.  She had a baby in the NICU recently and wants to help make the stay for NICU families a little bit better by doing this.  I've been looking forward to this for awhile now.  Today my nurse told me that if Kate gets down to a 1 on her flow by that day- she will have less "stuff" on her face for the pictures.  She will just have a small nasal cannula and her feeding tube will go through her nose rather than her mouth.  We will be able to see more of her cheeks, mouth, and chin.  Seems kind of ironic- this could all happen on Tuesday- crossing my fingers! 

Kate's hemoglobin went from an 8.6 to an 8.8 in her lab tests on Saturday.  It's still borderline of needing a transfusion, but we are hopeful with this small increase she will continue to gain.  A transfusion at this point would be helpful for her short term, but in the long run it would teach her body to rely on that instead of producing her own bone marrow.  Kate was put back on the Human Milk Fortifier- it's a packet of powder put out by Similac that gives preemies the extra nutrition they need.  When she was first on it several weeks ago she didn't tolerate it well.  She was very gassy, had a distended tummy, and was constipated/or runny stool.  So she was switched to Nutramigen and had to have a lot of the extra nutrients added into my milk.  My nurse told me this made her feel like a chemist with all the formula's she had to follow and substances that had to be dumped in.  The problem is that it still didn't give her the complete nutritional elements she needed.  So far now Kate has tolerated the Human Milk Fortifier well- she is more constipated again, but they want to give her time to work through it.  The dietitians prefer she stays on it, because Kate's labs show that she is very low in protein.  Her weight and length are growing consistently, but she is still teeny at the 10th percentile (even with her new chubby cheeks and thighs).  Today she has been in the hospital for 65 days. 

 

 

 

 

She's come a long way from the picture below 1 1/2 months ago! 

2 months old today!

Kate is 2 months old today! (34 weeks gestational age) She's gained a total of 2 lbs. She started off at 1.10 lbs. and is now 3.10 lbs. She has been such an amazing, strong baby! Hopefully, she only has a few more days left before she is weaned down to a nasal cannula and then we can start to teach her how to eat:)    
Her hemoglobin has dropped to an 8.6.  She will be tested in a few more days to see if it's starting to rise again or if she needs a blood transfusion.  Kate was turned up to a 4 on her oxygen flow on Monday because she was swinging so much, and having such a hard time stabilizing her respiratory rate.  On Tuesday she was turned back to a 3.  When I went up to hold her she had already had a great day with pretty stable vital signs.  I was worried about throwing her off again by holding her.   She surprised me and it was the most enjoyable time so far that I've held her!  She hardly set the alarms off at all and was very stable.  The doctor said he felt like she woke up a different baby. She went from one day of un-stability to the next day of fabulousness!  She has to be weaned from a 3 to a 2 and then to a 1(to a nasal cannula).  When she's stable on this we get to try her first bottle feed:)   

Finger Painting

We took the whole family up to see Kate today.  They become quiet the crowd in the waiting room as they wait their turn to go in and see her.  They are all so excited to see the changes in her growth and get a glimpse of her moving around a little.  Kinnli really wants to hear her cry, but she didn't get to today. Kate has finally gained enough muscle to control her legs and arms.  She can lie still for a minute very calmly without being swaddled.  Before her legs and arms would flail out of control and make her very agitated.  Today she just laid there as she opened her eyes and looked at each of the kids. 

Kate was turned down to a 3 on her oxygen flow yesterday.  She has surprised me by staying stable enough to maintain it so far.  It's a little bit questionable still because she has more periodic breathing and jumps to a really fast respiratory rate to make up for it.  So she might need to be turned back to a 4 before too long.  For this reason I only held her for a short time.  I didn't want to wear her out and holding her is still pretty hard on her. 

Each baby has a "recipe" for the milk they receive to meet their individual needs.  It takes a lot of math skills for the nurses to figure it out and combine just the right amount of ingredients.  Kate's recipe is a pretty complicated one.  She is getting about 33ml of fluid per feeding every 3 hrs. In each feeding she receives about 20 ml of my milk, and then liquid protein, Nutramigen concentrate, calcium, iron,  & phosphorus are all added to it.  As she grows the amounts are constantly changing.  She also receives caffeine on a daily basis.  It is a stimulant for her heart and breathing.  Back when Kate was first born and they started her on caffeine the doctor told me that it has the best effect on the baby if their mother did not drink much caffeine while pregnant. He said some babies come to the NICU addicted to caffeine and they actually have withdrawals from it. The caffeine given to them as medicine does not work as well on them.  This made me grateful that I'm not much of a pop drinker- it just doesn't appeal to me very often. 

I wrote in the last post that Kate received a glycerin enema.  Yesterday the nurse told me that Kate had a complete blowout that night and she decided to try finger painting with it.  The nurse started changing her diaper and turned around to get something, when she looked back at Kate she had poop smeared across all the tubes on her face, all over the bedding and squished between her fingers.  She had to have a complete makeover!  She was given a bath, her nasal cannula and feeding tube had to be cleaned and re-taped, all her bedding needed changed. But luckily she didn't try to eat any! The nurses got a good laugh and now she is called the "Wilde Child". I told Kale that Kate is already following in his footsteps (Kale pointed out to me that there names are almost the same if the "t" was changed to a "l").  There was a time that Kale took up finger painting too.  I remember this vividly because it was so traumatic since Kam had just barely been born and was in the NICU.  It was one of those days that almost broke me.  Kale was only 15 months old and he was wearing overalls.  I was in the kitchen when Kale walked in with poop on his face, in his hair, on his clothes and all over his hands- the worst part.... it was in his mouth.  He decided to  give it a taste!  He must have stuck his arm down through the top of his overalls and into his diaper to investigate.  I don't think I put him in overalls anymore after that!

This is Kale in his infamous overalls 1 month before Kam was born (2005).

 

 

I love when the nurses dress Kate and put bows in her hair.  (She had a onsie on just before this picture that color coordinated with her bows.)  It makes me feel like they are treating her like a real baby rather than just a baby in a box. 

 





8 Weeks- Half Way There:)

She's stretching to show how big she is getting:)

 



 

8 weeks old- 33 weeks gestational age-hopefully, half way there!!!  I went and saw Kate last night.  I hadn't seen her for two days and she seemed like she had grown so much.  She looked great- it makes it hard not to wish I could take her home.  She just seems like my beautiful, miniature baby.  She looks so healthy!  She weighs 3.7 lbs.  She's been having all the fortifier nutrients added into my milk and it has caught up to her and made her constipated this week.  Today she received a glycerin enema and will continue to get miralax in the milk to reduce this.  She was weaned to a 4 on her oxygen flow yesterday and did really well on it.  She is still on it today too and is doing even better.  I met the eye doctor yesterday and he had just dialated and checked her eyes.  He said he had expected to find something wrong with her eyes, because it's so common with micro-preemies.  He said her eyes looked great and they were on their way to being completely developed in a couple weeks, which usually doesn't happen until closer to the babies due date. 

 

I held Kate for close to 2 hrs. yesterday:)  I still hate the monitor and how she swings so much.  It about makes my nerves jump out of my skin when I watch it.  Kate had a new nurse last night that I hadn't met.  I warned her that every time I hold Kate her oxygen saturation drops and continues to swing after the first 15 min.  The nurse told me that usually preemies swing like that because of acid reflux during feeding time.  I didn't think much of it because she's always been this way and I thought it was just because I stressed her out by holding her.  Like usual after 15 min. of holding her, she again started swinging.  Her respiratory rate was all over the place from 130 (too high) to 0 (not breathing).  A normal rate for her is usually between 30-60.  I can feel her breathe when she lies on my chest.  I can feel her little chest rise and fall as she breathes super fast and I can feel as she slows down to periodic breathing or she stops breathing all together.  She had one apnea during the first hour.  Her feedings have been changed again to a 60 minute period that she slowly receives the milk through the tube that goes in through her mouth and into her stomach.  They like me to hold her through her entire feeding not to upset her tummy with movement.  So by the time her feeding was over an hour later-I didn't think I could handle holding her any longer because of her ups and downs.  The nurse had me hold Kate for a minute longer while she cleaned up the feeding supplies.  I usually put her back in the incubator when her feeding is over.  It seemed almost instantly that she stopped swinging when she was done feeding.  I continued to hold her for another hour and the alarms didn't go off at all:)  Now I agree with the nurse that Kate must have bad acid reflux that causes her swinging problems.  The doctors don't usually treat it with medicine because it's controversial right now to do so, unless it's terrible.

 

Kate had her little face turned up towards mine for the last part of her holding and she kept smiling at me- at least 10-15 times.  I told the nurse that Kate was smiling and she told me the Occupational Therapist (she works with their physical development)  would tell me that it really is a smile.  It's not a social smile like babies do when they are normally about one month old, but it's a pleasure smile babies do because they feel good.  Kate had her tummy full and loved being held by me.  It was so good to feel that connection with her!  I feel less and less like her mother the longer and longer this goes on- I feel very disconnected from her-like I'm just a visitor.  The nurse insisted that Kate still knows me.  She knows my voice and knows my smell even after this long of being away from me.  It made me cry- because I feel so distant from her. 

October 15th

Today Kate was turned back down to a 5 on her oxygen flow and did great on it.  She had less swinging than she did over the weekend when she was at a 5.  When the doctor called this morning he said Kate was talked about in their "Meeting of the Minds" this morning.  This is a meeting where all the NICU doctors meet and discuss the babies and any concerns.  There are two different approaches that have been taken with Kate over the past few weeks.  Kate has a few different doctors that she changes between  depending who is working that day.  Often times she will have the same doctor for 2-3 days.  The doctors sometimes have their own differing opinions on care, which can change things around for her  a little.  When they meet together they discuss the best care for the baby and try to keep all the doctors on the same page.  This morning when they talked about Kate they discussed whether she should be given time to get stronger on the Hi-Flow and slowly wean her as she's ready or should she continue to have an aggressive approach on weaning her oxygen settings down.  They came to the conclusion to be aggressive and they would try to take a step each day by lowering her settings to see how she does on it.  If she swings and has a lot of apneas she will return to the previous setting.  The doctor warned me I will probably see a lot of ups and downs with this, but it's not really anything to worry about.  She is still doing so good for her age.  Sometimes one of the concerns with preemies being on the Hi-Flow for this long is that they get very gassy tummies from all the air.  Kate has not had this problem, which makes it easier for the doctors not to worry so much about getting her off of the Hi-Flow as quickly. One of the reasons they do want to get her off is that by her age of 34 weeks we can start attempting to bottle feed her if she is on the nasal cannula (2 1/2 weeks away).  I'm so excited for this to happen!  Eating will hopefully be her last battle- but it can also be one of the hardest battles for preemies.  They usually have aversions to things in their mouth after having so many tubes being stuck down their throat.  The quicker she learns how to eat, the quicker she comes home:)

October 14th

Friday Kate turned 7 weeks old!  It was a great day for her.  She was able to be weaned down from her 6 on the oxygen flow to a 5 and stay stable.  She kept this up for Saturday and Sunday also.  Saturday night she reached 3.4 lbs- she has doubled her birth weight, HOORAY!  She looks and feels so much better with the extra weight on her!  She has been doing great on tolerating her feedings.  She's known for her picky eating by not tolerating some of the fortifiers that are normally offered to preemies.  Today she had her feedings extended to 90 minutes instead of the 45 minutes that she has been on.  This makes it so that her milk volume is fed to her more slowly over a longer period of time through a feeding tube.  The doctor wants to see if this will help her breathing.  By decreasing the amount of milk in her tummy, her stomach will be smaller and hopefully give her diaphragm and lungs more room to breathe.  This will increase the amount of air she can hold in her lungs and she should do better.  Yesterday, her oxygen flow was turned down to a 4.  She only lasted on it for about an hour because she was having so many apneas.  I talked to the respiratory therapist for a minute about this and he said really there is not much of a difference in air flow from a 5 to a 4.  It shouldn't be too hard to wean her down, but she is apparently pretty picky not only about her food, but her air too.  The RT basically said the air-flow at this point is mostly a stimulant to remind her to breath.  She does most of the work on her own-if she'll just remember.  When she was reduced to a 4 she had a hard time remembering to breath.  Today she had to be turned back up to a 6 again, because of her apneas and oxygen saturations were dropping to 40-60.  This was the main reason for the change in her feedings.

Her length has still remained  15.5 inches and her head circumference was 25 cm.  Her head is about the same size as a baseball now.  She was very alert tonight for her 7 pm care- wide eyed and looking around.  She had her nutrition panel done again this morning and everything looks good.  Her hemoglobin has started to rise from 9 to 9.3.  With even such a small rise, she might be able to avoid another blood transfusion.  It should continue to creep up as she starts producing her own blood. 

She is doing so Great with everything!  Such a strong little baby- she's proving herself to be just like her 2nd cousin Nikki:)  I wrote an earlier post about how Kate's middle name is after my cousin's middle name- Elizabeth.  I wanted to name her this because my cousin has been so strong through the last couple months.  In August, her mom passed away unexpectedly the week of her wedding and she has been incredible in the way she has held together and pressed forward.  Her wedding date had been changed to this last Saturday on her Mom's birthday (October 12th).  Nikki was beautiful and there was such a sweet spirit during the ceremony.  I know her mom and brother were with us!!  I'm so happy for her to be married to Brian- I know they will create a great life together.  I'm so grateful for Nikki's example of strength and that my baby Kate is also carrying that legacy on! 

#1 Mr. Mom

I've thought about doing this post for weeks now, but I don't feel like I can express in words how amazing Josh is.  But I think it's time I give it a try... 

 Josh and I have always had a great relationship.  We have worked well together as husband and wife.  We have worked hard together to raise our beautiful children.  We have worked and worked and worked to make things work.  13 years and so far everything has worked.  For the last 60 days, Josh has done most of the work by himself.  If I could give out world-wide awards, I would give him the award for "World's #1 Mr. Mom". 

This trial has brought Josh and I closer than we have ever been before.  We are stronger together.  We lift each other.  We help endure the bad days as one.  We amaze each other with our strengths and support each other in our weaknesses. 

My 4 yr. old daughters favorite song is- "The Wise Man Built His House Upon A Rock."  This is the song she wants me to sing to her every night when I tuck her in to bed.  This song is ultimately about our Savior and following gospel principles.  If we do our best to be Christ like and make good choices in our life that we will be watched over and protected by the Lord. We have tried to establish our marriage and life based upon this.  We try to do our best and live Christ like lives- but we definitely have much to improve on.  We have tried to build our house upon The Rock. 
Years ago, one of my good friends pointed out to me that just because the wise man built his house upon the rock doesn't mean he won't experience rain and floods.  The rain falls on all- but if we are on the rock- our house will stand still.  We will be able to survive the rain and floods because of the knowledge we have and the help of our Father in Heaven.

Not only is the Lord my Rock, but Josh is also.  Even though this is a trial that affects us both- he seems unscathed by it- he has the strength that carries both of us.  He is the one that makes me feel safe.  He is my cushion to cry upon.  He calms me and helps me to know that we can make it through this.  Day after day he has held our house on the rock through all this rain.  After work he often times comes home to a wreck- whether it be our house, me in tears, or the chaos of our kids (sometimes all of this at once:).  He has been so good to me and never gets mad that I don't have it all together.  He has put me on a pedestal and does whatever he can to make things better.  Instead of asking what's for dinner, he asks what he should make for dinner.  Instead of asking what I've been doing all day..., he asks if I had a chance to take a nap and tells me if I didn't, I should. 

Most days we are running in different directions.  When he walks in the door, I am walking out the door to go see Kate.  I feel that he lets me have the easy part in all this.  I have a quiet drive and get to hold our sweet baby.   He stays home with 5 kids, a messy house, homework, and no dinner.  The #1 Mr. Mom award goes out to him because when I walk back in the door he has all the kids in bed asleep by 8:30, the house is clean, they have all had dinner, piles of laundry have been washed, folded, put away, and (for the most part) their homework is done.  I've got to hand it to him- he does more than I am ever able to accomplish in that amount of time!  He is AMAZING!!  It's sad to admit it, but he runs the house much better than I. He is Mr. Mom.  He has shown me how much he loves our kids- he has also grown closer to them!  I know how much he truly loves me, by all that he does for me.  Day in and day out he does everything he can to lift all of my burdens.  On days that I have been grouchy for no apparent reason- he just hugs me and doesn't ever grouch back at me.  Words can't express how much I love him and how grateful I am for him!  He is more than just my best friend. He is my Rock. He has held our house upon The Rock. 

 I am so blessed to have him as my Husband!!!

A Step out of Reality

On Tuesday, my sister-Jackie, invited me to go up the canyon with her and her kids to look at fall leaves.  They don't get to enjoy fall because they live in Arizona. Truthfully, I haven't even noticed if the leaves are changing here.  Usually- fall is one of my favorite seasons with all vibrant colors of the leaves, the mild chill in the air, the warm sweaters and stylish boots that come out of the closet, the sweet smells of the holidays, pumpkins everywhere, and all the pumpkin treats, cookies, and cakes!  As I talked to Jackie on the phone and looked around at my house, knowing all the things that needed to be done, I mentally threw my "To Do" list in the garbage and decided to go.  It has honestly been since August 13th that I have done something for myself and my kids to get out and enjoy life.  We took a break- a step out of reality- and went up Bear Canyon to see some fall leaves.  It felt so good to be out and enjoy the nature and some fresh air.  My girls had a blast (my boys were in school). 

Find Joy in the Journey!

 

October 10th

Today I went in the morning to see Kate at her 10:00 am care.  We had a great time together.  Holding her today was one of the first times that she didn't have a real hard time with swinging and her keeping her vital signs stable.  My nerves were able to stay calm- she did so well!  She is starting to finally feel and look so much more like a healthy baby.  She doesn't have the look she started out with like a newborn scrawny baby bird. 

The nurses always have her dressed in clothes now.  I took home my first bag of dirty clothes to wash today for her.  Although I hate laundry and already have more than plenty to do, I am excited to do hers because it makes me feel a little more like her mom. 

She had a good, stable day.  Her oxygen flow settings were left alone.  Her Potassium was stopped.  Calcium and Phosphorous were added to her feedings as part of her fortifier.  More labs will be drawn on Monday to look at her nutritional needs, blood gas for oxygen, and also to check her hemoglobin. 

Kate weighed 3.3 lbs tonight at 1450 grams.  1500 grams is considered a turning point for preemie babies.  They are no longer considered micro-preemies, they are more stable, they can be moved to a big girl/boy bed (out of the incubator), their water bed is changed to a normal bed. Sometimes the bed change is held off until they are 1800 grams-just because it's not necessary.   Kate is the Binky queen- I have been told she is the best 25 week Binky sucker that has come through the NICU.  This is hopefully a good sign that when it is time to feed her she will figure it out quick. 

My sister, Jackie, from Arizona is in town this week for my cousin Nikki's wedding.  She came to see Kate on Tuesday with me.  I gave Kate a bath and Jackie was able to hold her through her feeding.  Kate was very alert.  She opened her eyes a lot and seemed to be focusing on Jackie.

 

  

October 9th

Josh's hand on Kate.

She's getting chubby cheeks:)

Kate hit 3 lbs. today!!!  The doctor tried to wean her down on her oxygen flow to a 5 today again and she didn't tolerate it.  She gets too many bradys and apneas when they try this.  She's pretty stable on a flow of 6, but still needs more time to get stronger to handle any less. Her caffeine has been increased to help her bradys and apneas.  Protein has been added to her milk and she has tolerated it well so far.  Her iron has been increased, because her hemoglobin is dropping and she may have to have another blood transfusion if her body doesn't start to make it soon. 

1/3 of the way

6 weeks old!  Hurray- 1/3 of the way!  Kate has gained a whole pound.  She's now just barely over 2.10 lbs.  Kam weighed 2.11 lbs. when he was born at 28 weeks and he was considered big for his age.  Kate is now at 31 weeks, if I had stayed pregnant.

Kam was born at 2.11 lbs. at 28 weeks.

Kate is 2.10 lbs. at 31 weeks

  Kate is still cruising- she was moved from the CPAP to the Hi-Flow nasal cannula.  All new things to learn about and settings.  No more PEEP and PIP to confuse me.  It's a lot more basic than the big machines she's been on.  Right now Kate's on an oxygen flow of 6, but they want to reduce her to a 5.  The last two nights she's been turned down to a 5, but she had a hard time breathing.  She needs a little more time.  Today she had a few brady's, which isn't very common for her, but still pretty typical for a preemie.

 

She's doing great on her feedings.  She's had more vitamins, and iron added in and she's tolerating them well.  She's being weaned from the hydrocortisone and the sodium chloride.  The eye doctor looked at her eyes yesterday and so far they look good.  It's a common thing for micro-preemie babies to get ROP which is when their eyes have been damaged from too much oxygen. She will continue to have her eyes checked once a week for this. 

We took the kids up to see Kate on Sunday.  They had the best surprise- the nurse let them each hold Kate for just a few minutes.  They loved it!  Kinnli was by far the most excited.  Kaden was very nervous.  Kale's my dare devil and the first to say he wanted to.  And seeing Kam hold Kate brought a tear to my eye- from one preemie to another.  Kennadi can't go in to see Kate because she's too young.  At home I have pictures of Kate on our entry table and Kennadi takes the pictures down several times a day and kisses them.  I know- she knows Kate! 

 Kale

 

Kate is going to have some pretty protective brothers!

 

 Kam

 Kaden

 

Kinnli told me the other day she wanted to be just like me.  I asked her why and she said because she wanted to be able to change Kate's diapers too:)