When I was little my dad raised a few chickens for meat. I remember the gruesome process of killing them. The chickens head was laid on the chopping block and with the quick swing of an axe it was cut off in a matter of seconds. This wasn't the surprising part- the chicken's body that continued to run around in circles was. This week I feel like one of those chickens! I can honestly say I'm doing pretty good with everything- emotionally and physically- but mentally that's a different story. I'm not feeling the balance AT ALL-I am feeling the circles! It feels like I've lost my head- or at least my brain.
It feels like I wake up and do a repeat of survival everyday. It feels like the show "Groundhog Day" that came out in 1993. The actor Bill Murray is a weather man that wakes up on Groundhog Day over and over and over and over again until he makes some changes and figures out what is most important in his life. I'm slowly learning to prioritize and make my time count as much as I can. Hopefully, I'll figure it out by the end of this journey. I think I have simplified almost everything that I possibly can. My focus is on my family and my religion. We aren't involved in extracurricular activities- the sports and the dance have went to the wayside for now. Even without the kids busy schedules- we aren't pulling the normal. Some of the things we value most- are still so hard to accomplish. The family dinners have become mostly "Serve Yourself". More than not it consists of cereal, frozen burritos, or Ramen (it's not so much the food that counts, but the time spent at the table talking and that part isn't happening.) Homework that we used to get finished after school gets dragged into the evening hours and sometimes postponed until the next day- or longer....(that's painful to say, since I'm a teacher:) Family time is rare, because usually either Josh or I am gone. It just feels like we are running in too many different directions! I often get the song by Alabama stuck in my head, "I'm in a hurry to get things done, Oh I rush and rush until life's no fun." Time is such a valuable asset in our lives- it's important to make the most of every minute. It's sad to say I still haven't figured out how to do that yet.
I haven't posted for a few days because I've been spending a lot of time this week doing preschool prep that should've been done in August (when I was on bed rest in the hospital). I always feel like I'm playing catch up. I've come to the realization that I can't do preschool on my own. I've asked a friend for help teaching my 3 yr. old class. She taught one of my boys preschool about 4 yrs. ago. She has been an angel to jump right on it, and help me out so much already. Asking for help was a hard decision to make. I REALLY wanted to be able to do all that I needed to do on my own. I guess there is a time for proving ourselves and there is also a time to be humbled and succumb to help. I can't run faster than my legs will carry me!
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