The Rollercoaster Ride

This is how she gets the blood transfusion

Back on the bilirubin lights and the Drager Ventilator

Looks like it's the beginning of the rollercoaster ride.  The doctors were very good to forewarn us about this ride of ups and downs with Kate, but it's just something you can't prepare yourself for.  My emotions seem to ride along side the rollercoaster of her health.  Today Kate's stats were very unstable.  She had a really hard time breathing and doing the work that she had previously been doing before.  They moved her quickly back to the ventilator with the tubes that go into her lungs.  She is mostly letting the vent do the breathing for her today. The nurse said Kate is having a holiday-a break from the work of breathing. An ultrasound was done on her head again and there were no brain bleeds.  The doctors said there are three things they are worried about that might be contributing to her respiratory problems: 1- infection, 2- PDA valve, 3-low hemoglobin. 
They did several tests on her to check for infection and so far it doesn't look like she has anything.  Her spinal tap showed negative for infection today, but they will keep watching the culture for the next couple days to make sure. 
The biggest concern they have is that her PDA hasn't closed still.  This could create a part of the problem because her lungs can fill with fluid.  If her PDA isn't closed by Sunday morning from the medicine she has been on, then she will need a surgery to close it.  We are doing a family fast for Kate to have her PDA close.  I do not want her to have surgery!  She's already got so many things she has to work on-she doesn't need any additional complications and the extra pain of what surgery can bring.   
The x-ray that was taken of her lungs only showed a small amount of fluid.  Her hemoglobin has dropped quite a bit the last couple days (from an 11 to a 7).  Kate received a blood transfusion today (about 3tsp. of blood).   It looks like her PDA and her hemoglobin might be the cause of tiredness today.  Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day for her if she can get those things fixed.  Kate also had to be put back on the bilirubin lights for her jaundice.
I am so grateful I have Josh to lean on through this ride!  Somehow he is able to keep his emotions together and he keeps me going.  He has had to be the Mr. Dad and Mr. Mom throughout the last 3 weeks.  He is an amazing husband and father!

Share my blog

I've decided I want to share my blog so that my family and friends will be able to have updates more frequently on Kate.  I worry because it is more like a journal for Kate and my family.  It is personal and close to my heart, but I feel like Kate has a story that needs to be shared.  So- just a warning that my blog may come across as cheesy, sappy, or maybe just too much information.  I also want to make you aware that I have no medical training and my posts are based upon my understanding of what the doctors have told me.  I'm sure that there are a lot of incorrect medical terms and spellings. 

August 30th

Kate had a spinal tap done on her today.  It was done more as a precaution to make sure she doesn't have an infection.  It takes about 48 hrs. to get the results.  She also had an echo done today to see if the medicine closed her PDA on her heart.  It is still opened so they will do another 3 doses of medicine and hope it closes, if not they will need to do a surgery to close it. We should know results by Sunday.  She has done really well today otherwise.  We weren't able to go up and see her today.  My OB doctor, a family friend, did go in and see how she was doing.  He called and told my dad that Kate looked good today. 
Kate is one week old today!  16 more weeks, hopefully, and she will be able to come home.

Do You Smell That?

Do You Smell That?

(This is a story that someone gave me when I had Kam as a preemie.) 

        A cold March wind danced around the dead of night in Dallas as the doctor walked into the small hospital room of Diana Blessing.  She was still groggy from surgery.  Her husband, David, held her hand as they braced themselves for the latest news.  That afternoon of March 10, 1991 complications had forced Diana, only 24 weeks pregnant, to undergo an emergency cesarean to deliver the couple’s new daughter, Dana Lu Blessing.  At 12 inches long and weighing only one pound nine ounces, they already knew she was perilously premature.  Still, the doctor’s soft words dropped like bombs.  “I don’t think she’s going to make it,” he said, as kindly as he could.  “There’s only a 10 percent chance she will live through the night, and even then, if by some slim chance she does make it, her future could a be very cruel one.”  Numb with disbelief, David and Diana listened as the doctor described the devastating problems Dana would likely face if she survived.  She would never walk, she would never talk, she would probably be blind, and she would certainly be prone to other catastrophic conditions from cerebral palsy to complete mental retardation, and on and on.  “No! No!” was all Diana could say.  She and David, with their 5 year old son Dustin, had long dreamed of the day they would have a daughter to become a family of four.  Now, within a matter of hours, that dream was slipping away.  Those first days, brought a new agony for David and Diana, because Dana’s underdeveloped nervous system was essentially ‘raw’, the lightest kiss or caress only intensified her discomfort, so they couldn’t even cradle their tiny baby girl against their chests to offer the strength of their love.  All they could do, as Dana struggled alone beneath the ultraviolet light in the tangle of tubes and wires, was to pray that God would stay close to their precious little girl.  There was never a moment when Dana suddenly grew stronger.  But as the weeks went by, she did slowly gain an ounce of weight here and an ounce of strength there.  At last, when Dana turned one month old, her parents were able to hold her in their arms for the very first time.  And two months later, though doctors continued to gently, but grimly warn that her chances of living any kind of normal life, were next to zero- Dana went home from the hospital, just as her mother had predicted.  Five years later, when Dana was a petite, but a feisty young girl with glittering gray eyes and an unquenchable zest for life.  She showed no signs whatsoever of any mental or physical impairment.  Simply, she was everything a little girl can be and more.  But that happy ending is far from the end of her story.  One blistering afternoon in the summer of 1996 near her home in Irving, Texas, Dana was sitting in her mother’s lap in the bleachers of a local ball park where her brother Dustin’s baseball team was practicing.  As always, Dana was chattering nonstop with her mother and several other adults sitting nearby when she suddenly fell silent Hugging her arms across her chest, little Dana asked, “Do you smell that?”  Smelling the air and detecting the approach of a thunderstorm, Diana replied, “Yes, it smells like rain.”  Dana closed her eyes and again asked, “Do you smell that?”  Once again, her mother replied, “Yes, I think we’re about to get wet.  It smells like rain.”  Still caught in the moment, Dana shook her head, patted her thin shoulders with her small hands and loudly announced, “No, it smells like Him.  It smells like God when you lay your head on His chest.”  Tears blurred Diana’s eyes as Dana happily hopped down to play with the other children.  Before the rain came, her daughter’s words confirmed what Diana and all the members of the extended Blessing family had known, at least in their hearts, all along.  During those long days and nights of her first couple months of her life when her parents could not hold her, God was holding Dana on His chest and it is His loving scent that she remembers so well. 

Babies born in Amniotic Sacs (informational post)

I was up early power pumping this morning and wanted to do a little research on babies born in the amniotic sac.  I am in awe at the information I found.  It is said that it happens 1 in 80,000 births.  It is called, being born in the "Caul".  Caul is another word for Veil.  Most of these babies that are born in the caul have there amniotic sac only covering their face, but the sac was broken during the delivery.  I only found two pictures where the sac was completely in tact or not broken- and they were from a C-section delivery in which the sac isn't going through the pressures of labor. My doctor warned me that if we delivered my baby in the sac, he needed to be ready because usually as the baby is delivered the water breaks- and splashes all over the doctor.  He was prepared for this- but it didn't happen that way with Kate.  She came out in the sac and the doctor had to almost put her down in the catching bag to cut open the sac.  I never got to see it, but josh said it was not a see through bag like the ones you can find on google.  Probably because she was so small and premature.    I would like to find out more research about babies born in amniotic sacs on the medical end of things.  I am now realizing how amazing this really is!  I wanted to share some of the information that I found just researching on the internet. 

http://crunchymomconfessional.blogspot.com/2013/01/amniotic-sac-facts.html


c-section delivery

When a baby is born and the amniotic sac is left intact, it's is called being born "in the caul" (also called caulbearers.)  Many famous leaders of the world were born in the caul such as John Lennon, Martin Luther King Jr. and Alexander the Great.  Some believe these people are cursed, while others believe these people are divine healers with deep intuitive abilities.  The picture I posted here is a picture of a cesarean with the baby born in the caul.

http://doulamomma.wordpress.com/2010/01/02/born-in-the-caul/

Being born in the caul is considered to be very special and has a lot of superstitions and myth behind it. Babies born in the caul are known as the caulbearer and THIS website dedicated to being born in the caul says this…

The birth Caul or Veil is a full face mask which may be sometimes found covering the face of a child at birth. Such births are rare and hold special significance for the child born in such a manner. There are many stories and myths about the Caul, many of them erroneous. This site is provided to give some insight to those who are born with a Caul and further promote public knowledge of the phenomenon.
The correct name for those who are born with a Caul is a Caulbearer. Such people are often referred to as being born behind The Veil, as the Caul is also referred to as The Veil in many cultures due to it being a face covering.
It should be noted that Caulbearers may be male or female and may come from any social class, racial or religious group. There are no geographical boundaries to the phenomenon. However it has been observed that Caul births do have tendencies to run in family bloodlines. Sometimes, but quite rarely, more than one member of a family–usually a parent and child–may be born with a Caul.
It has been calculated that Caulbearer births may be as few as one in eighty thousand births. However this does not necessarily mean that there may be one such birth in every eighty thousand births in a particular area or that there may not be more than one in any grouping of eighty thousand births.
The main reason why those born with a Caul were and are held in high regard is principally due to the fact that such births can be calculated in advance and the time and place of such births predicted. This marked the birth of a Caulbearer as being of particular significance, along with the fact that such people often had peculiar abilities in many diverse ways which were not commonly found in the general populace.
Caulbearers are often found to have ability in matters of finding underground water supplies, knowing when weather patterns will change, predicting when fish and other food supplies will become plentiful.
Many are great natural healers, which trait may be manifested by the laying on of their hands, or remotely from a distance. Many are considered to have great ability in matters of judgment and ruling nations and often possess insights which are difficult to appreciate by other people.
In many cultures the Caulbearers were considered to be “Kings by right,” due to the predictive nature of their births and their leadership abilities. This is one of the reasons why certain Buddhist groups, to this very day seek out Caulbearers to be brought up to become Dalai Lamas.
Throughout history the powers that be have repeatedly attempted to destroy the Caulbearers because they were seen to be messengers sent by a higher force to guide mankind in matters both physical and of a higher spiritual nature. In ancient times they were held in high regard for their knowledge in a wide range of disciplines, and therefore became known as ‘priests’ which originally simply meant ‘teacher.’ This was long before the notion of the religious priest was ever conceived.
The Caul or Veil is sometimes also referred to as “The Veil of Tears” due to the tendency of baser types of people to attack or even kill Caulbearers, often for no apparent reason — such as in the Middle Ages, when they were burned as witches and heretics, mainly by the Church of Rome.
Persons of negative character may often react to Caulbearers at a very subconscious level as they sense that there is something different about these people. There are many folk tales about “the curse of the Caul” which appears to come from the fallout of negative actions against a bearer of the Caul.
In many cultures around the world the Caul is more commonly referred to as ” The Veil,” and the word “Caulbearer” is the usual word in English speaking countries. However it should be pointed out that the word Caulbearer will generally not be found in standard dictionaries due to repeated suppression of the reality of such people as they have often been persecuted by those who wished to become kings by might rather than by birthright

Some famous people born in the caul include (I have not verified these, just found them doing a google search):

Liberace - American musician and entertainer
James Couzens - Industrialist, banker, politician
Queen Christina of Sweden
Frank Albert Jones - Black artist
Sigmund Freud
Napoleon Bonaparte


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2336194/The-baby-did-know-born-The-astonishing-picture-shows-newborn-delivered-INSIDE-amniotic-sac.html

The baby that didn't know it had been born: Astonishing picture shows newborn delivered INSIDE its amniotic sac

• Greek obstetrician Dr Aris Tsigris posted the image on Facebook
• Usually the sac breaks during birth, a process known as 'waters breaking'
• Dr Tsigris said that the 'ultra rare' phenomenon took his breath away
• The baby was not in danger because it would not need to breathe for itself until the amniotic sac was broken, the placenta removed and the cord cut
• Actress Jessica Alba gave birth in same way and the experience inspired name of her daughter Haven, now 2
  

  THE AMNIOTIC SAC: A MYSTERIOUS MEMBRANE

  Being born 'with the caul' occurs when a child is delivered with a portion of amniotic membrane on their face. 'Caul' literally means 'helmeted head' or 'veil'.
  A baby with the caul is called the 'caulbearer'.
  Being born with the caul in medieval times was interpreted as a sign of good luck and that the child was destined for greatness.
  Saving the caul was considered an important tradition of childbirth. The midwife would rub a sheet of paper across the baby's head and face, pressing the material of the caul onto the paper.
  It would then be presented to the mother, to be kept as an heirloom.
  Other traditions have linked the caul to fertility and some say it protects a person from the forces of evil, such as witches and sorcerers.
  Being born 'en caul' is the term used when the child is born within an intact amniotic sac, which occurred in the story above. It is also known as a 'veiled birth'.
  Most en caul births occur in premature babies.
  Some legends suggest that being born en caul means you will never drown.
  Statistics relating to such births are sparse, but deliveries involving any form of caul are thought to occur in roughly one in 80,000 births.

August 29th

Kate is still a rock star!  She has completed day 6 and is doing great.  The doctor listened for her heart murmur and couldn't hear it.  Tomorrow they will do the echo and hopefully it will show that her PDA valve is closed.  Her tummy is soft, meaning it is not bloated with gas because the feedings have been stopped until her valve is fixed.  She is on an IV fluid that gives her what she needs to keep her going. Today her hemoglobin was tested and it's low.  She will need a blood transfusion which is fairly common.  She will probably need several throughout the next few months.  She won't have this done until she is off the medicine for her PDA valve.  Her weight was up tonight- 785 grams(close to 1.12 lbs.)!  Josh and my dad went up to see her.  They gave her a priesthood blessing.  Josh says she looked so much more comfortable tonight than she has in days past.

August 28th

Kate was taken off the bilirubin lights.  Now she can be swaddled and she is so much more comfortable this way. 

 (She has a little tiny binky in her mouth.)

Day 5 was a good day for Kate.  Although she had a lot done to her, she was able to hold her stats pretty well.  She did have 3 small Brady's- where her heart rate slows down and beats irregularly.  But she did really good the rest of the day.  Kate had an echocardiogram and the results showed that her PDA valve to her heart was still open.   She was started on Indocin to close the valve.  She will have 3 doses of it and then they will recheck with another echo on Friday.  She has to stop feedings with this medicine, but her stomach was a little distended still so it will give her some relief. 

Kate's right eye kept peeking at me while I was there.  Her left eye is still sealed shut.  I like to think that I saw just a little bit of a smile come out when she was looking at me.  While I was with her last night her stats were the best they'd been all day.  The nurses said babies know when their mamas are around.  I know she can probably hear my voice faintly through the incubator, but I also think that our spirits are still connected through all this and she truly does know when I'm there! 

Kate had a head ultrasound done also and she did not have any brain bleeds!  What a relief so far.  They will recheck it again when she is 10 days old- the doctor said that usually brain bleeds happen within the first ten days.  After that most babies are in the clear. 

The tubes in her umbilical cord have been displaced because of her belly being distended, so they needed to be removed.  She had a pic line placed on her left arm.  It took three tries (2 of them being on her leg) to get it in.  It's like a very small IV.  It will be the tube which she is fed through. 

Kate's jaundice is gone.  They took her off the bilirubin lights and swaddled her.  This is so much better for preemies because they are used to being in a tight little amniotic sac that restricts there movement.  They don't really have control of their body yet, so they are really uncomfortable when their arms and legs are squirming.  Their nerve endings are very, very, sensitive and these small preemie babies get agitated real easy.  It actually hurts them to be touched.  Doctors and nurses only touch them when it's absolutely necessary for care.  Swaddling keeps them comfortable and helps them sleep.  Sleep is what they need most, because that's when they do their best growing. 

Kate was started on a second antibiotic to get rid of an infection in her belly button.  It has been a little red and swollen for a couple days now. 

Her respiratory functions are doing great.  She is able to maintain them most of the time at room air oxygen 21% going through the ventilator.  She is also down on the pressure for the air filling her lungs.  She started at 30 and is at 20 now.  She is getting stronger and stronger every day. 

Kate is back up to birth weight now-750 grams(1.10 lbs.).  She did loose weight and dropped down to 695 grams(1.8 lbs.) at one point. 

I stayed with Kate for almost 3 hrs. last night, it does my heart good to see her do so well.  I love that little girl!  One of the hardest things about this is walking away from the hospital to my car and leaving my baby there.  I'm so grateful to know she's in the hands of miracle workers! 

The Angel's Veil

(WARNING- this is a lot of labor talk, so it might be too much information for you and I'm not real experienced in the medical field so I might say things wrong.) 

On the tenth day (Thursday, August 23rd) of being on strict bed rest at the hospital I started into labor again.  Josh came up mid-afternoon because I was having a hard time.  My contractions were picking up and I had dilated to a 6 by that evening.  When my doctor came in to check on me- he started me on all sorts of meds to stop the contractions.  I was on Indocine, a shot of Tributalene, and an IV with Magnesium Sulfate. The Magnesium was given to me for the baby because it helps reduce the chance of Cerebral Palsy. I received another shot of steroids for her lungs as well.  I also had a shot of Morphine for the pain and I didn't wait too long before I received my epidural. 
All the meds slowed down the contractions until noon the next day, Friday.  I felt awful with so many things going through my body on top of  the contractions.  Friday was the day I turned 25 weeks.  10 days in the hospital made a huge difference for Kate's survival 80-90% and decreased her chance of neurological damage to about 25%.  If she had been born at 23 weeks, like she had tried on the 13th the chances of survival were around 40% with 80% of neurological damage. I know it was through MANY, MANY prayers and by Heavenly Father's hand that she was given those extra 10 days to grow! 
I was a wreck most of Friday morning, because I knew Kate was on her way.  It was only a matter of hours.  My Doctor could only do so much to stop the contractions and everything had been done.  At noon, that day, the contraction medicine would wear off and I couldn't have anymore because of the risks to the baby and me.  As noon approached I had a little break down because I was so frightened to let nature take its course.  I didn't feel prepared to meet this tiny little baby and start on the next journey.  I asked the nurse if we could do anything else to stop this from happening and she called my Dr.  He said we could possibly stay on the Magnesium Sulfate and get another 12 hrs. of time, but that also made it so that if I did have her she would be under the influence of the medicine and it is harder on them to stabilize.  It was a very hard decision to make because I just wasn't ready to move forward, but neither Josh or I felt comfortable trying to postpone it any longer.  We decided to stop the meds. and let whatever was supposed to happen-happen. 
My contractions picked up and around 4pm my Dr. came in and said I was complete, the head was down in the birth canal, and my membranes(amniotic sac or bag of water) was bulging.  He talked with the NICU team and started preparing for me to have Kate.  He sat down and talked to us about his plan to
deliver her.  My bag of water  seemed to be on the brink of breaking, but was still holding strong.  Several doctors had told me that usually after an emergency cerclage is placed the bag of water breaks within the first 7 days.  My family made a joke about my amniotic sac and said I had a "Bag of Steel".  My Dr. told me he would like to try and deliver my baby with her bag of water still in tact if possible.  He said that only very special babies have this happen and they call it the "Angel's Veil".  The water cushions the baby and protects her from the pressures of labor especially on her head.  Labor on these preemie babies can often cause brain bleeds and a lot of bruising.  As crazy as this sounded- I was praying for her to be delivered this way to give her every chance possible to keep her healthy. 
I was prepped and ready to go to the OR for delivery.  It was 5 pm.  My Dr. wanted to give me as much time as possible to keep Kate in.  At this point every minute and hour counted still.  I needed to wait until 9 pm to make sure the steroids and Magnesium Sulfate had full effect on the baby, but chances of doing that were pretty slim.  So Josh and I passed time in the OR for an hour, while everyone else was on standby.  Just after 6, my Dr. came in and said he felt like we should deliver this baby.  Everyone started swarming the room preparing, but the NICU Dr. felt differently about delivering.  A bit of debate occurred between the two doctors about now vs. later.  They came to the conclusion that we would wait as long as possible to give the baby the best chances possible and so everything came to a stop. 
Within 10 minutes of this discussion I started bleeding heavily.  My Dr. said he needed to deliver this baby now.  In a matter of minutes Kate came into the world in her "Angel's Veil".  She was completely enclosed in her amniotic sac.  A miracle to say the least.  The scariest part was that my placenta completely abrupted and came out with Kate.  When this happens the baby is left without oxygen and crashes.  Timing was crucial- a matter of seconds with this delivery could have made a life-threatening difference.  My Dr. was expecting to be able to break the bag of water with his finger- but it truly was a "Bag of Steel".  He had to get scissors and cut it open.  She was quickly rushed away to the NICU team. (Looking back- I know we were guided in the decision we made to not continue the Magnesium, if we hadn't the placenta might have abrupted at anytime when we weren't prepared.) 
The NICU team immediately put her in a gallon size Ziploc bag to keep in her body temperature and humidity while they worked to stabilize her.  After she was taken to the NICU, the bag was removed and she was settled into the incubator. 
She is my LITTLE miracle baby-she is a very special and strong little girl!  I know without a doubt that the Lord was there guiding how this all played out.  I know that Heavenly Father protected my baby with His "Angels Veil."  I know I have been surrounded by angels, by loved ones that have passed on helping me get through this.  I know that many prayers of family and friends made a difference in my babies life.   I know my Dr. was in tune with the spirit and on many occasions throughout the last 2 weeks he knew exactly what to do and more importantly -when to do it.  Although this next journey in our life will be long and hard, I am so grateful for this special delivery! (Read the post "A Matter of Minutes" to find out why I was put into the hospital in the first place.)

Honeymoon's Over

Day 4 means Kate's "Honeymoon" is over. The NICU Dr.'s told us the first 3 days are considered the "Honeymoon" period, because most babies do well for that time(unless they are born sick).  It's after the first three days that the roller coaster of good days and bad days start.  Today was a good day for Kate.  She is tolerating her feedings and her tummy is not distended anymore.  She is on an IV fluid that is feeding her 95% of her intake, but they are going to start increasing her milk intake very slowly as she is able to handle it.    All signs of infections are gone.  Kate's Dr. is going to talk with an infectious disease specialist Dr. tomorrow to see what further plans or precautions they need to take.  Kate's heart has a murmur.  Tomorrow they will do an echo to see if it is her PDA that is open.   (It is a valve on the heart that usually closes when babies are born.)   75% of preemies have to have help closing this valve.  First- they try a medicine that usually closes it, but if it doesn't (10% don't) then a surgery is performed to close it. 
All the doctors and nurses have been very positive so far.  They all seem to boast about how well she is doing.   The fact that she is still on the nasal ventilator and hasn't switched back to the tubes in her lungs and that she has been able to hold her glucose levels on her own which is rare- means she is doing amazing!  The nurses have heard her cry a few times and say she has a sweet, yet feisty spirit.  She is strong- she is a fighter!
Today is my first day not going up to see her (Grandma Donette was able to go spend a few minutes with her though).  I think not being there has made me a bit more emotional.  I'm feeling so out of balance trying to maintain being a mom to my kids at home and a being a mom for Kate.  Pumping milk is consuming my days and nights. Josh and I decided we would go see her 4 x a week.  I will go one night, he will go one night, we will go together one night, and take the kids up on Sunday to see her.  We just can't stretch ourselves too thin with too many trips.  There is not much we can do for her right now either.  We can't touch her because her nerves are so sensitive.  The last few months of her NICU stay I will need to be there more to hold her and feed her.  She will probably be there until almost Christmas.  Her due date was December 4th and they told us to plan on 2 weeks after that.

DAY 3

Day 3

 Kate was switched to this nasal ventilator and has done really well on it. 

Kennadi's newborn diaper and Kate's preemie diaper 

Kennadi's newborn baby feet (at 6 lbs.) and Kate's baby feet (1.10 lbs)

 

Yesterday Kate's blood culture came back negative for the ecoli infection.  It will be tested again to make sure it is gone.

Kate's feedings from donor milk were stopped for the day, because her belly was distended.  Her bowels were swollen with gas bubbles.  She was started back on my milk last night. 

DAY 2



DAY 2

Yesterday the Dr. called us as we neared the hospital and told us that Kate has tested positive for an Ecoli infection.  Her umbilical cord and the placenta did as well.  The infection is most likely the reason behind why I went into labor.  She has been started on a stronger dose of antibiotics.  They are also going to do a Spinal Tap on her to see if she has Spinal Meningitis.  Her white blood count has risen a little, but is still close to a normal range.  The Dr. said that she did so well on the first day-it's a surprise that she has an infection.  Usually babies with infections are hard to keep stable and are very lethargic. 
In fact, her respiratory functions have done so well she was switched to a nasal ventilator in place of the ventilator with tubes that went into her lungs.  She has tolerated it fairly well, until this morning and now she is having some apnea's(stops breathing). She will probably be switched back over to the tubes.  The doctors want to be aggressive to keep her off the tube vent, because it increases the chances of infections to have the tubes inside her. 
I was able to change her diaper yesterday while I was there.  It really worried me to pick up her tiny little legs to switch to a clean diaper.  They are so fragile!  We also heard her first cry-it was a very small squeak.  It breaks my heart to see her so uncomfortable and going through all this! I just have to keep telling myself she is in the Lord's hands.  I know she is among miracle workers, that MANY prayers are being offered in her behalf, and that the angels are watching over my sweet baby. 

 

 

A Matter of Minutes

It only takes a matter of minutes to change the future.
(Written on 8/16)

On Sunday, August 11th, 2 days after my Aunt's funeral, I started having minor signs of pre-term labor.  I made an appointment with my Dr. on Monday and he decided we needed to do a cerclage (sew my cervix shut).  I wasn't dialated, but my cervix was thinning. My Dr. was leaving town on Wed. and was packed tight for appointments on Tues. He felt we needed to do the surgery sooner than later though. So he was able to set up the surgery for Tues. morning.  By the time I was ready for surgery at 9 am I felt like I was already in light labor with contractions 5 min. apart.  My Dr. was a bit surprised that I had dialated to a 4 just since the day before.  He was able to still do an emergency cerlcage and close my cervix, but I was transported to a different hospital so I could be near an NICU(newborn intensive care unit).  Had I not had the surgery that morning, I would have had Kate that day. I'm so grateful my Dr. had the intuition about what needed to happen! I was only 23 weeks and 3 days into my pregnancy.  The babies chances of survival at that time were somewhere near 40% chance with 80% chance of neurological severe impairments if born. 
 I've been here at the hospital since Tuesday- I'm basically a "ticking time bomb" so I've been put on strict bed rest and am being watched carefully for any signs of labor.  Every day counts- every week makes a huge difference in this babies future lifestyle.  If I can at least get to 28 weeks, she will be on a little safer ground-and more fully developed.  My third child, Kam, was born at 28 weeks- and although it was terribly hard- he has done wonderful. 

I Only Made It To Friday

I Only Made It To Friday

 

 

 

 

I only made it to Friday.  At 25 weeks Kate Elizabeth Wilde was born at 6:30 pm.  She weighed 1 lb. 10 oz.  and was 14 inches in length.  

 



I Can Make It Till Friday...

Written on 8/20/2013

I Can Make It Till Friday….

                “I can make it till Friday.”  I think that’s a phrase we all tell ourselves every week for the most part.  Friday is a day to look forward to.  It usually brings an evening that we can enjoy life, family, and friends.  It’s the beginning of the weekend in which we can slow down, relax, put your worries aside, and enjoy the time away from monotony.   It just so happens to be in my situation, that Friday is my changing date from week to week.  So this Friday I will be 25 weeks, instead of 24 weeks pregnant.  And for each week that I can progress- the chances of my baby surviving and avoiding serious problems is huge.  I repeat “I can make it till Friday” every so often throughout the day especially when I start to worry about labor, get scared of the outcomes, or become just plain bored sitting in this hospital bed and need some motivation to stay positive.  When Friday comes and goes, then I will start looking forward to the next Friday. 

                I believe when we go through trials- we have to give ourselves goals of time to look forward to.  Whether it be an hour, a day, or a week that we have to make it through.  If we can just put one foot in front of the other and make it through small increments of time, it will eventually pass and the sun will shine. 

A Lumpy Heart

Written on 8/22/2013

A Lumpy Heart

Kind of ironic-I’m on bed rest and I have the hardest time getting the real rest (meaning sleep).  I’m minding my p’s and q’s, but I struggle sleeping at night.  Usually I get 2-3 good hrs of sleep and after 1am it’s a game of toss and turn.  Tonight has been a bit harder to sleep though.  Right now, it’s 4 am and I have a lump in my heart keeping me from shut eye.  I have been so excited for my boys to start school today.  They need it to keep them busy- a schedule, learning, being around friends will help them pass this time.  Getting them excited and ready for the first day of school is one of my favorite things (probably the teacher in me).  Josh took them to the Back to School Night yesterday.    But the part that is really hard for me is not to be there in the morning- to get them breakfast, make sure they are all put together in their new clothes, missing out on their excitement, talk, smiles, and missing that candid mommy picture moment. 

You Can Do It

Written on 8/22/2013

You Can Do It

                When I started this pregnancy, I was pretty confident I was going to be able to be a good mom and raise six kids.  As the sickness settled in at 6 weeks- I then realized I wasn’t even a good couch potato.  I was so sick and I felt awful- I began to doubt myself.  I laid on the couch and tried to tell myself the messes, the wild children, the undone “To Do” list, and all the chaos was ok for now.  I had to think that this is just a short time in reality and I would eventually be back on my Super Mom Go Jo.  I didn’t do so well with that min-conversation though and would often cry and wonder why I thought I could do this.  I knew it wasn’t going to get easier- that when the baby comes she would continue to take much of my time and I would still feel out of control.  Josh was my rock and every time I broke down he would tell me “You can do this”. 

                We all need to be told “You can do this”.  Life is HARD!  I believe you can get through any trial-if you are told this simple phrase.   People thrive when they are told they are capable of doing whatever the task is at hand- it’s a confidence booster. 

                Throughout this last week of pregnancy complications, hospital bed rest, and the scares of what a preemie baby entails.  I often start to tell myself “I can’t do this.”  Josh has had such a strong and supportive attitude.   When I’m getting low he tells me “We can do this” and it helps.  But even more so- I know Heavenly Father knows- I can do this!  The scriptures say that we will not be given trials that we can’t handle.  I know that it is his way of saying –"You can do this".  We have to believe in ourselves- I’ve seen several times this last week the miracles and the Lord’s hand in this trial.  Even though he isn’t vocally telling me the words I want to hear- I can feel his presence.    I know my Father in Heaven, my loved ones on the other side, and my many family members and friends here on earth are rooting for me and this baby-saying you can do this!

The Wilde Bunch

There's a story of a lovely lady.......

  My niece came up to me the day we found out that we were having a girl and she said, "Have you ever seen the show the Brady Bunch?"  I had to chuckle thinking that was a show that we watched growing up.  My three oldest children are boys and my three youngest are girls.  Their ages start at 11, 9, 8, 4, 14 months and then hopefully this baby will come in November.  My thoughts are "Where is my Alice?"  She should be a freebie for anyone with 6 kids!  I told my niece she needs to make up a song for me that fits my family with the Brady Bunch theme song.  We are definitely the modern day version of the Brady family- although a bit more on the Wilde side:)

Elizabeth

  Last Friday, August 9th, was my dear Aunt Ruth's Funeral.  She is my mom's older sister.  She passed away tragically 2 weeks ago from accidental gas poisoning.  She was warming something on the stove in the night when the flame went out, but the natural gas continued to concentrate the air.  My Uncle slept with an oxygen mask on and we believe that was one of the reasons he was able to survive.  He was in very critical condition and hospitalized for almost a week though from all the inhalation.  My Aunt Ruth had two children-Thomas and Nikki.  Thomas passed away a few years ago and so Nikki dealt with a lot of her mother's tragedy on her own as her dad needed time to get well and heal in the hospital.  She had many worries on her plate with the funeral details and the caring for her father- to make it all even harder she was supposed to get married on last Wed., the 7th (but she was able to postpone it).  She was able to spend a lot of time with my family through that hard time. I gained a great admiration for her as I watched how she handled everything so well.  She was amazing and unbelievably strong- a great example of carrying on!    We decided to name our baby Kate Elizabeth.  I have always wanted to use the name Elizabeth, but didn't have a real reason behind it.  At the funeral I noticed my cousin Nikki's middle name is Elizabeth.  Now that everything has played out this way- I feel that this baby needs her middle name- she is going to need that strength that I admire in Nikki.  I also know that my Aunt Ruth is with this baby telling it to just wait.... and loving on her before she makes her way down.   I believe the veil between this earth life and heaven is very thin and although Kate is here with me she also is being taken care of by loved ones in heaven. 

Baby Kate Makes 8

  A bit of post history first is probably best.  I've always wanted a big family- I love children!  I never really thought I'd make it to 6 kids though.  (That's like the new 12 these days).  I think I could have been content with four, but ever since I was pregnant with my fourth I have had a constant-nagging- feeling that I still had 2 more babies that needed to come to my family.  So for the last 5 yrs. I have thought about and prayed daily about getting these babies here. I have difficult pregnancies-my body seems to malfunction.  My first two babies (Kaden & Kale) came at term with a little bed rest.  My third baby(Kam) was born at 28 weeks.  The only real reason that can be identified behind it was that I was carrying a lot of extra amniotic fluid and it was too much for my body to handle.  Kam was born on Sept. 9th, 2005.  He weighed 2.11 lbs. and stayed in the NICU for eight weeks.  He was our little miracle baby and has no resulting problems from his premature birth.  At that point Josh and I were very weary of having more kids because of the chances of premature birth again, but I still didn't have that feeling that we were finished.  So I got an IUD(birth control) to pass some time until we were ready to make that decision.  Close to 3 yrs. had passed when I started getting that "Mommy Intuition" that there was another baby that needed to come.  I prayed a lot about it and talked to Josh about it, but he wasn't ready yet.  Within the month I found out I was pregnant with the IUD still in place (1% chance of that happening).  I felt it was Heavenly Father's way of saying "I told you it was time."  That pregnancy was absolutely perfect with no problems whatsoever.  I was on a new medicine that I took shots with at the end of my pregnancy called Progesterone that seemed to do the trick.  I also tend to make deals with my Father in Heaven and I told him if this pregnancy had complications I'm done, but if it doesn't than I'll have more.  He kept his end of the deal...  I also had a dream while I was pregnant with Kinnli that we still had 2 more babies that needed to be in our family.  It took us a bit longer to decide to have the 5th baby- almost 4 yrs., but I knew it needed to happen and had that constant feeling always at the back of my mind. Josh just needed a lot of prodding from me:)  So I had a perfect pregnancy with Kennadi (I'll tell you right now though- I'm not a rock star pregnant woman, I still get pretty miserable, sick, fat, etc...  but I'm truly grateful to be able to carry my babies!)  Being pregnant is just something I don't enjoy.  Everyday of my pregnancy with Kennadi and every day since I felt the strong presence of this sixth baby-very anxious to come down!  After having Kennadi- I did not look forward to being pregnant again, but I wanted to plan for this last little gift.  Josh and I weren't trying to get pregnant, but I had told him how I felt again- we were just in the process of trying to make that decision.  But within a couple weeks we had news that we were expecting again- a little sooner than anticipated.  I've always been worried that I would just keep having the desire to have more kids or I wouldn't have that confirmation that I'm done.  But as soon as I saw the pregnancy test was positive I had such a peaceful feeling come over me that this was it -I was done.  I knew this baby needed to come to our family and our family would finally be complete!   (Only 12 yrs. later and 6 of those yrs.  spent being pregnant:)